There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
