Dual....:-)
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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