Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
pray to the hookup gods
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
