He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
