I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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