a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
