If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
