just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
