First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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