oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
