you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize