your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
