Already got asked if we're dating
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
