So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
