I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
