I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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