fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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