the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And then he peed in my hair
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