I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
