that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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