My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
