Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
