We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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