Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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