did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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