i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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