Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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