my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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