Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
