I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
