Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
