Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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