Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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