I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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