Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
