the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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