he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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