I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize