i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
