She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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