i wish peter jackson would direct porn
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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