Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
