She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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