i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
