Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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