Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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