I feel like I'm in dance class right now
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
