Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
