I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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