I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
