Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
