the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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