It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
