I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize