We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
