God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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