he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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