what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
