last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
