He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
