I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
50% drunk capacity currently
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
