I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
