Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
