Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
