dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sobbing to NWA
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
