happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
