I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
