yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
