I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
