im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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