I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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