I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize