I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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