Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
