omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
