i just made my gag reflex go away.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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