The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
