The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize