It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
