just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
