according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
