cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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