In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
