An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
