O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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