I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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