I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
