She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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