I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
