My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
