I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
