dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize