one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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