I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize