So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh god it's open bar.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
