Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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