thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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