But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
