Three words: puerto rican gang bang
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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