So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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