And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
