she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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