I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
