I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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