Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
